Oye! What a weekend. I ended my work week last week with telling my boss that I was going to quit and gave him my 90 days notice (university policy but it can be shorter than that if mutually agreed upon). YAY!? right? He was going to offer me a 20 hour position but I'm not sure that I will take it.
Saturday was a crazy day. I was all over town buying different things for different packages for some friends for different special events in their lives. One of the packages was a for a friend who is having twins so I tried to put some of my craftiness to work too. EXHAUSTED. But the packages are complete! As I was going all over town I was scowering for something that would be suitable for my fantastic mother...but nothing. I thought of evertying from massages, flowers, scarves, jewelery, home decorations, gift certificates...anything but nothing seemed to work. She ended up with a hanging plant. It doesn't seem good enough for a mother that raised me and is now taking care and loving my daughter every week while I'm away sitting at a desk.
Our new bed was delivered Saturday afternoon. YAY! Our old bed was only two years old wasn't holding up great so we decided to buy a nice quality bed from Denver Mattress. (They were very helpful and I would definitely recommend them to anyone looking for a new mattress).
So after my long exhausting Saturday I was longing for a nice sleep in our new comfy bed. But no. Little girl had a rough night. She doesn't have them too often but we were up quite a bit with her. She was tired but she didn't want to sleep. I'm not sure what was wrong.
Mother's day. Emotional wreck. The only excuse I could think of was that I was just exhausted. I feared bed time but couldn't wait for it either. I needed sleep but I was so afraid I would go insane if she had another night like Saturday night. My sister says you have your worst thoughts at 2:00 in the morning. So true.
Today. I get to work and all of my co-workers were assembled in the secretary's office talking about my position and how to fill it. Not that I was in a very good emotional state to start off with but I didn't like it. I know they have to talk about it but at the same time it doesn't feel good to have people talking about how to replace you.
So here I am questioning my choices. Are Victory and I going to make it just on his income? Am I going to be happy being home ALL day? Will I have any sanity left? And somehow in my mind I struggle with the idea of me not working. My mentality has always been to work, work, work, earn and save.
I could go on and on but I won't. I wish I could get my giddiness and excitment back about quitting. Right now, I just want to cry. Listenting to the pouring rain this morning just makes me want to wallow in my self pity.
I know I shouldn't. I know the answers to all of the questions above. I now we're going to be fine. I know I'll find things to keep me busy. I know that I will have time for things that I haven't had in a long time...like friends, hobbies, reading, exercising. Maybe that's why I feel selfish in not working. I know I'm quitting work to be with little girl but maybe I feel selfish because I'm secretly hoping for some "me time".
Thanks for reading this long post,and once again, as Simon Cowell would say, "self indulgent".
I hope you have a lovely day.
12 comments:
You will find there is plenty to keep you busy but as we have learned most goes unnoticed but it is worth it. Congrats on being able to stay home and I hope you get over your rainy day blues!
You think you're going to be home all day? Haha! I don't know how you got the work genes. I hated work and could hardly wait to get out. Chin up. By the way they can only have someone else do your job, they can't "replace" you. Get some sleep too.
As the nanny of another person's kid...I think you are going to LOVE being at home with your little girl! They learn so much so fast. There is so much to teach them! Lots of times I wish that Beki could stay and spend all day with her own son... <3
your stay at home days will fill up faster than you can imagine. Enjoy while she naps and you'll get the me time. Being a stay at home mom is kinda low key with one, but you'll wonder why you worried about being home all day. It's the best.
I admit, some days at home are long, but when they get long, that's when you call friends and hang out. :) We'll be able to talk on the phone more :) You'll do great.
What they all said is true. Being a stay at home mom is wonderful, and I am very blessed I get to do it. But I have to admit, I had more of the "work" mentality in me and it was (and is) very hard to be at home. For me I think the biggest problem is we only have one car so I am literally stuck at home all day. But my oldest it getting old enough I can do little learning activities, crafts, ect. So I am enjoying being at home more. Even though I often wonder why I am not working, I know that if I hadn't stayed home when the kids were little I would always regret it. I think you'll do wonderful at home and see it truly is a blessing--even for those of us who like to be at work:)
I don't know if it'll make you feel better, but Chuck and I decided to make it on one income (in California no less.) He went back to school and quit working to focus on it and I go to work everyday. We've gone without and made some scarifices, but have been blessed for our decision and we are doing okay...I know you guys can do it too!
You are an amazing person, full of faith in the Lord. I'm a workaholic too and wonder if I'll be able to handle the change of pace (and lack of recognition at home). Did you know only 8% of families today have stay at home moms? Very few have that opportunity, but I definitely understand all of your feelings...it will be a hard decision when we get there. I admire you for your faith--she'll love having you at home!
I hate being emotional. Like someones says something and your eyes start to tear up for no reason.
Ah, the days of staying at home with a baby that young are boring, long and quiet. But I am not a workacholic and would just sit on the couch. He he.
YAY. For quitting your job, now you'll be able to come up to Omaha and we could go shopping during day and not buy anything because we will both be poor.
It's amazing how fast your days will fill up when you are at home! But you are going to have the best time--no worries! Emotional days are exhausting...I couldn't stop crying on Sunday because Easton was old enough to be in his first primary program singing 'mommy songs' and I was a mess! Feel better, you are gonna have some great times with your little one that you will cherish forever!
Don't worry you'll have PLENTY to do at home with baby girl, i'm still lucky if I get "me" time during Sophie's nap time she's such a busy girl and soo curious about everything that when she naps its when I get everything else in the house done. But I LOVE every minute of it and nothing can replace being the one to see them grow and learn everyday- I don't know how moms with nannys can handle coming home and being TOLD of the milestones their children accomplished that day. Love you guys! are you planning on making a trip out to Utah this summer? if so I hope we get to see you!
Oh, Alyssa...Knowing is a lot different than feeling, huh. You know it will all work out, you know what to do, but gosh dang it sometimes you just don't feel like ya do! :)
Hope you're feeling better...Happy late Mothers' day, by the way.
--Savanna
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